One thing you’ll learn about me is that I reference a lot of movies and songs when I write. The Lord speaks to me through them a lot and I find it fun and fascinating. I love reading the bible and seeing a lesson lived out through a movie. Not with only biblical movies but something as random as Cinderella. He knows His daughter is a visual person, so I guess He finds pleasure in it as well, right? I believe so :)
While watching a certain scene in the movie Ray, there was a quote that stuck with me and basically revealed an age old, bad habit of mine. In the Ray Charles movie his producer Ahmet, noticed that Ray was on drugs because of the physical signs he was showing due to his addiction. One day in the studio, Ahmet confronts Ray about it and tells him “Your slip is hangin’”, as a way to let him know that what he’s trying to hide… is out for everyone to see. Well, that expression slapped me in the face. This was the one thing I tried my hardest to avoid, with people and with God. One of the reasons I didn’t think I would ever start a blog. My drug of choice was pride. The thought of transparency scared me.
I would soon learn that this walk with Christ is FULL of vulnerable, unpredictable, submissive moments. That having issues is not the end of the world and sharing your testimony actually helps you and the people around you. Being broken before the Lord is exactly what He wants.
“You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it; you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings. My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.” Ps 51:16-17
Beautiful verse, right? But, of course I didn’t know that at first. I was way too concerned with my image, even in front of the Lord. Crazy to think we can hide our secret truths and pain from an all-seeing, all-knowing God. The truth was I didn’t want people to see the truth. I didn’t want to deal with my mistakes, lack of identity and insecurities, so I covered it with pride and a pretty smile. Unfortunately, I wore that mask for a long time and seemingly wore it well….. until I gave that mask to Jesus.
“….for the Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7
When I started walking with the Lord, I began to see how crippled I really was by hiding my issues. It kept me from counseling, altar calls and anything that displayed that I needed help. We as people are good at looking put-together on the outside; But God cares about us internally. He’s concerned about the condition of our heart. He was telling me as a Father….my slip was hanging.
When thinking about this blog and the testimonies I will share, I wondered what will people say? I asked God, “What if they find out I don’t have it all together?!” He simply said, “Good. You don’t, but I do.” As I grow in the Lord I realize the fear of trusting and giving my flaws to a powerful God is foolish. A God who isn’t just able to deliver me, but longing to.
For the “stuck in their ways” person, I can say from experience that pride can keep you from deliverance. We all have a slip hanging in the form of a bad habit, past mistake or present struggle but I encourage you to stay on the altar with Him and stay submitted. God is here to help us. I’m not here to paint a good or bad picture of the stories of my life, just a real one. With hopes that whoever relates will see that through every thorn and lily of our lives, God gets the glory. I’m Jess, welcome to my blog :)