One day I was in the prayer room at my church and noticed that it was no ordinary day. This particular morning was a time where everyone there seemed to share the same sentiments. In the midst of my personal devotion time and prayer, I noticed that we were all crying. We were separate, praying about different things I’m sure. However, one thing that was common in the room is that we all were letting it out. I personally, was going through a tough time of healing. I believe mental health and wholeness is very popular right now and rightfully so, but not many tell you about the gritty side of it. It’s not all successful counseling sessions and self-care Saturdays like its hyped up to be. It’s looking past situations in the face and talking it through. It means forgiving yourself for stupid decisions you want to forget and it means…. crying.
It was worship and crying. The “I don’t know the words but this is how I feel” crying. God I trust you but I still need help cry. I don’t understand but I’m crying, cry. Simply put, we were all crying… in safety. My emotions were flowing and that day I learned that the secret place is a safe zone.
There is an interview by Caroline Leaf, a cognitive neuroscientist and believer, where she is discusses the topic of renewing the mind. She's asked a question in an interview and responds by telling the audience to go crazy in the safe zone. Meaning to tell God all of how you feel express that safely with Him. And on that day, I did just that.
I was in a moment where I had all these emotions rising and had no clue what to do with them but to let them out. I couldn’t explain it, I just knew I needed to release them. Two months prior, I saw a result of a murderous crime in which I had to make a witness report. I was sorting out how I felt about my dad’s relationship and I was finally at a point where I could talk about certain parts of my childhood.
I was wondering what was next professionally. Growing as a leader. Started a business, handling things under pressure and rest was far and few in between. Car issues came out of nowhere and there I lay….. going crazy in the safe zone.
Thank God I’m not the only one. There were many awesome people in the bible who were in a place of raw emotions with God.
Paul with his thorn in his side…. (2 Corinthians 12:1-10)
Job when his life was falling apart…(Job Chapter 3)
Jeremiah when he was full out complaining to God, as a result of being angry at others…(Jeremiah 12:1-4)
But those who wait on the Lord Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles,They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint. (Isaiah 40:31)
Just like them he is teaching me how to overcome with the truth of his word. Not making me feel immature for reacting that way; But teaching me the way of maturity and giving me direction and help for the times to come. Even in times where I feel depleted He is adding strength to me every day.
Be angry but sin not.
I don’t believe He is intimidated by our feelings. I’m more convinced now that it is ok to feel and reject the notion that emotions are unholy. I don’t believe in letting your emotions control you nor do I believe we should disregard them either. Questions such as: Why do I feel this way? What do you think about it God? How can I become better again? All valid, all safe, all answered in the secret place.
Until Next Time,